The Cleanse is Over

Rachel: Why do you sound mad?
Will: I'm on a cleanse.
Rachel: What the fuck does that mean?
Will: I'm only eating fruits, vegetables and oats?
Rachel: silence.
Will: I'm doing it wrong, aren't I?
Rachel: silence.
Will: I'm a moron, right?
Rachel: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

So the cleanse is officially over. Yay!

I made it three days! Three days! I now have a little more respect for vegans... just a little.
But really, that was hard. Last night I walked into Hutson's apartment and put a bunch of tortilla chips in my
mouth. Crunched. Thought. Whipped around to his trash can and spit it all out. And then I washed the salt out
of mouth. And then I ate... surprise vegetables! And last night while I was sleeping I started to get real light headed and started to think that if I had a sweat tent like Locke I could have some crazy delusions that might help me divine the future and get a greater understand of the universe and all that stuff. And then I slept. And it was over.

But really, what did I learn from the cleanse.

1. I don't really need coffee. I had my suspicions in the past from being sick, but I made it through. Now, I thought about not drinking anymore coffee, cutting it off (but well the only thing I've ever cut off from my life has been Diet Coke, and I only replaced it with coffee) but that seemed silly, and people know me as a coffee drinker and I don't want to blow people's minds too much.

2. I can lose a bunch of weight real fast. Now I haven't lost too much weight, which means I'm doing pretty good in the weight management department (yeah right, tell that to the swimsuit) and I only lost 4 pounds. I'm sure I'll gain that back pretty fast.

3. I really think that I might have a fresh perspective on Food and Taste and what is important and not important. Important - Salad Dressing. Not Important - Salad.

4. I now know how to save money when I travel into a foreign country. Don't eat!

5. And finally, to wrap this up, if I ever do a STUPID MOTHER%*&^NG CLEANSE AGAIN I will call Rachel and ask her very clearly what I still need to keep eating to feel whole and alive and be able to do thing other then feel like crap and complain.