Father's Day 2010

From Wikipedia:

"Father's Day is a day honoring fathers and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society. It is celebrated on the third Sunday of June in 55 countries and on other days elsewhere. It is a widely known celebration."

Never really looked this up before, or even thought about it, for so long I really viewed as the day you bought your dad socks, or made him breakfast or gave him a phone call or so on and so forth... but really I think it'd be better to take your Dad, Granddad, brothers out to the bar and buy him a few brews or a share a cigar or go fishing or hunting or um something else like manly, and while you're doing it you can appreciate and honor the man who helped bring you into life and keep a roof over your head.

I would be curious about perhaps renaming this day, Man Day (and then everyone could go watch "The Expendables" together), because it does involve all Father's and Son's, but then that would leave out all the Daughters. And there are a lot of daughters out there and they might equally be interested in beer, cigars, hunting and Sly Stallone, and that would just not be fair. So it must remain Father's Day.

And also, until you join the bonds, the brotherhood of Fatherhood, you really don't have an idea what it means to be a Pops. Like for Reals, i don't even have a dog or a fish to be able to say I'm a big Poppa (Can anyone else see me walking into my place, feeding my fish and saying, "Who's your Daddy?"). NO IDEA.

So let me give a shout out to my own Father, because Father's Day Cards just don't really nail the sentiments I hope to express.

Dad, You got a Great Heart! You look to live a life of love and seek joy and contentment, and I have nothing but the upmost respect for that. I learned a great deal about the world and how it worked from you. Being a Father is no joke, it's hard and fraught with pitfalls and tough tough decisions. I wouldn't be Me without You, and I wouldn't take that back for all the world. Love, B.

And since we are honoring Fathers I'd also like to give a Shout out to my Brother.

Joe, you're the shit, you stupid git. You and your awesomely ridiculous jet Ski. Been thinking all weekend about how you took Friday off to go up to the lake. That is totally rad. Um, I should probably get to the Father's Day bit. As far as i can tell you rock as a Dad, your kids seem really happy and balanced and you seem to be disciplining your kids with a strong, yet fair hand and I can't wait to see how the kids turn out, cause I'm pretty sure they'll be something special. (Just remember to share that Jet ski when they're old enough.)

And on these terms,Father's Day, you know, I think I like you.

MY 30th BIRTHDAY PRESENT, TO MYSELF

So for many of you, er, for those of you who were at my fricking awesome 30^th birthday party, you know that I’m 30. So in honor of turning 30, I thought I would do something special for myself; so I’ve decided to get Health Insurance.

Is that applause I hear? No, actually it’s silence, and questions, especially the most popular, “Wait, you don’t have health insurance?”

“That’s right,” I says, “I don’t got it, don’t need it.”

And then I hear back, “You playin’ with fire boy.”

And then I look back at them and say, “No, I’m playing with house money.”

Okay, I’m done with that.

Anyway, I’ve decided to get it, and I have a few plans, well the most important decision, I’ve had to make was to get Physical Therapy included. So I did some research and found a recommended Physical/Sport Therapist nearby named Dr. Mike.

And what do you know, he’s not unaffordable when you don’t have insurance. Dr. Mike is kind of the bomb in that way, (he’s kind of NOT THE BOMB, in his pushing you towards a healthy vegan, exercise 1 hour everyday, and do everything good for yourself and nothing bad, even the bad things that you really want, like the Rice Dream Mocha Sandwich, I will eat as soon as I’m done with this blog.)

After meeting with Dr. Mike, I have found that my hip bones are not balanced (because of my back pocket wallet?) and that I have a nerve going the wrong way in my lower back, which he was shocked to find out doesn’t really hurt me that much, but might be THE PROBLEM with MY KNEE!!! And also, I discovered that my lower spine bone seems to be a little misformed which was something that happened when I developed in the womb or some kind of trauma to my tailbone I don’t remember, although I kind of feel like I have this lingering memory of excruciating tail bone pain, but I have no idea if that is real.

So Dr. Mike adjusted me today, and hopefully I will be able to run again, which would be the best 30^th birthday present I could ever gotten.

And because of all this, this weekend I will apply for insurance without Physical Therapy but does have better Hospital and more Dr. Visits per year, but is 50 dollars cheaper a month. (I still don’t get that works, but whatever.)

So family, Grandma, you can relax, I’m gonna get covered.

~Will

I Don't Know About This. Life...

(Um, so this was going to be a list of random thoughts, you know like the old days, but well, I came up with one stupid rhyme and that led to another and another, and then I was trapped, and I was RAMBLING!

- So in essence, I dedicate this to me, to life, to no one in particular, and well, maybe everyone....)

"I Don't Know About This. Life..."

It's funny business being a human being,

Always trying to figure out what life's supposed to mean.

There's so many answers I'm supposed to work out on my own,

All these things I'm expected to know now that I'm grown!

Well maybe I'm not supposed to know what it's all supposed to mean,

Cause, I swear it can't be a good thing to nail down your life's theme.

And how are all my dreams supposed to figure into this part,

I wish I could tell if they were coming from my head or my heart.

And sometimes,

I think I'd rather be heartbroken then heartless,

Which makes a lot of sense if you feel like me.

And if you're you and you're wondering why I let myself feel that pain,

Know that I can't help, I need it, it helps me numb my brain.

It helps me hide my insecurities about the things I don't understand,

Like the part I'm supposed to play in the great scheme, in the plan, man.

And maybe that's a waste of time, but it's better for my mind.

Maybe everything is a waste of time, but thinking like that is the real crime.

And sometimes,

I don't think it helps me when you look me in the eye,

Cause our souls might connect, and I might start to cry.

Because your eyes are like a two way mirror,

Revealing to me all the hidden pain and all that fear.

Cause I don't know if I'm ever going to get my shit straight,

And I pray and I pray and I pray, that when I do it won't be too late.

I know, I don't want to be like you, but I don't want to be like me,

Do you think maybe you and I could find something in between?

CHANGE

CHANGE.

12 years ago, I sat in a friend’s minivan. She was going off to college the next day and it was probably going to be the last time we would see each out for months. 2 lives about to spiral into two completely different directions, for one it was collegiate life, for the other it was living at home, hitting up community college, and serving cheese fries. I think you know which one was this here writer.

My friend looked me in the eye, a little anxious, just as I was about to leave her van, and said, “Do you think things are going to change?” And I responded, “Yeah, everything’s going to change.”

Then we hugged, I left, and everything changed. It always does.

And I’m not going to lie, at the time, I don’t think I even believed it. It could have been some unknown insight, or I could have just been trying to sound cool. It was a long time ago. So much has happened since then.

The other day, I sat across from another friend at brunch, and I told her, “I don’t think that every one can change. Some people, I don’t believe can change.” She responded, “I don’t believe that at all, I can’t believe that. Everyone can change, they just to have really want to.”

I, then, cited my Mother who, I didn’t think was capable of change. My friend gave me this face, and then my mind blew when I realized that I was being Supremely stupid, of course my Mom was capable of change. Because for better or worse, everything is changing, always, even if it’s just a little, even my Mom. I just don’t want to deal with those changes, and I don’t want to deal with people who refuse to change the way you want them, the way you think they should. Of course, you can’t control change.

Change is a cruel bitch for sure. From the minute we’re born until the moment we die, and even far beyond that day, we are changing. It’s just that it’s so hard to deal with it, because change is nearly uncontrollable. It’s like when you’re in a sailboat out at sea. You’re always going somewhere, and yeah, you can try to control it, but damn if those winds and those waves aren’t going to sometimes have a mind of it’s own. And when they decide to take control, all your plans are screwed. They change your life and you change with it.

CONTROL GETS SLAPPED IN THE FACE BY CHANGE

I sat in a theater with a 22-year-old graduate that didn’t know who Warren Beatty was, and we were chatting. He asked me how I had made it. Mentally, I said, “Who said I made it?” I responded to myself, silently saying, “Oh right, I’m still here, so maybe I did succeed. Somehow.” Either way, I looked over at this kid, because he wanted advice, and I gave him my Blinko analogy.

For those unfamiliar with the Price Is Right’s Blinko game, it is this fantastic game where you climb up to the top of a giant board that is lined with spikes. At the bottom of this board is like five options for prizes, and you are given a disc to drop into the top of this spike maze. Once you pick your starting point, you drop the chip in and it goes off hitting all these spikes and switching directions until it gets to the bottom. The sad truth of Blinko is that it doesn’t matter where you put the disc in, it’s going to go wherever it wants to. No rhyme. No reason.

I told this 22-year-old dude with a weak handshake, “Getting into the film industry is like blinko. You come out to LA, you put your disc in, thinking you can have some control over where it’s going to go, where you are going to go, and then it just ends up going wherever the hell it wants to. And then you get to the bottom and you’re there. Life just happens.”

He responded, like most people, “Huh, that’s an interesting analogy. So you’re saying that you really don’t have any control over what happens out here.” And I said, “Yeah, but (And then came some simple realistic advice) if you do want to try to control things, you could do this, this, and this.”

I think he liked this, this, and this more than the Blinko analogy. And you know, I don’t blame him. Feeling like you don’t have any control over what happens to you can be awful, horrifying. But I’ve been around the block long enough to know that you can start out wanting to be a writer and you end up a Producer, or you can start of wanted to be a Producer and you end up a Sales Clerk, or you start out wanting to be a Production Designer and you end up Director, or a Mother, or sadly or happily, you don’t end up being anything at all.

Being alive means changing. Life demands it. His dreams may change. They may not change.

My dreams have and they haven’t all at the same time. And sometimes I think that my dreams really aren’t even what’s important, sometimes it’s just being alive, just being on the Blinko board that really matters.

TRAVEL YOUNG MAN, TRAVEL, AND LET ALL YOUR THOUGHTS AND CARES BE FREE

Oh if I could do it all over again, I might, the road trip I mean. But you know what, well, if I hadn’t gone through that trip, I might not have been inspired to have these thoughts that I have now, which I relate to you in a moment.

At the beginning of the road trip, I sat in a friend’s room, staring at Tarot cards, and I asked her a question about a recurring dilemma that I had in my life, which I will unfairly not share with you, and those cards said, “TRAVEL.” I said, “Um, what do you mean?” And the Tarot cards, because they can’t talk, really, responded again, “TRAVEL.” And I said, ah for the love OF GOD! This is so not fair. I wanted a damn answer.

On my trip, every town was a destination and at my worst moments, getting there was all I could think of, and at my best moments I didn’t care at all about getting there, I was careless free of everything, just me, my music, the wind, and what lay before my eyes. It was beautiful.

I would say that about 1/4 of my trip was living in these moments. Moments of pure living. Of bliss. Of freedom.

Most of the time, I wanted a coffee. I wanted to go to the bathroom. I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to be alone. I just wanted a bed to sleep in. I just wanted to be home.

Of course, I was always home. I had everything I needed. I just couldn’t see it. I spent 3/4 of the time wanting something I didn’t have. Silly me.

Near the end of the trip, I was in a New Orleans Voodoo shop. Real Voodoo shop and I was finishing up getting a Voodoo Tarot card reading and all the cards had eerily reflected my adventures and in the order that I had taken them. Or maybe they represented the future. Or maybe my entire life. You never know with the cards. Either way, a Gentleman was there, he was wearing all black, and had a long ponytail. He was kind of like a ponytailed, black clothes wearing, Nathan Fillian (I shit you not). Oh and he was psychic, or at least claimed to be. He and the voodoo priestess had a little repartee about their different powers and I just listened, amused.

After their playful ribbing ended, he asked me how the voodoo tarot card reading went, and I told him that it was really cool. Then he asked me if I would mind letting him inside my head, or spirit or something, and I told him, “Sure.” Then he made a funny face and kind of got theatrical and said, “I hear this noise, this buzzing in the back of your head. It’s like you’re always thinking, there’s always something going on in there.”

And I responded, “Oh.” Internally, I responded, annoyed, “Who the hell is this guy?”

He continued, “That voice is going to take you down, man. It’s causing you a lot of stress. You don’t always have to listen to it. It doesn’t have to be there.”

I told him, “A lot of what this trip is about is that. Getting away from that voice.” And he nodded his head, like I hadn’t really achieved that. And then I probably made a face, because I was supremely annoyed.

So then he smiled and said, “You know my advice to you is to go get a Hurricane (Iconic New Orleans drink) and sit down by the side of the Mississippi and watch the sunset. It’s beautiful. Just kick back. Take it easy.”

I nodded and said, “That sounds awesome, but I have a dinner and a Ghost Tour I have to get to.” All these plans.

And he nodded and said, “That Ghost tour is going to be terrible if it’s not wit this one person, so and so.” And it was not with so and so. And I never made it to that Ghost Tour because of an upset stomach.

I get him now. I wish I could have had more chill out moments on my trip. Not made so many plans, and destinations. But if I had, maybe I wouldn’t have learned what I learned on the trip, and maybe I never would’ve gone on the trip in the first place.

Flash back to New Orleans, fifteen minutes before my talk with the Pony tailed Psychic. I’m getting my Tarot cards read by the Voodoo Priestess, who looked like a normal woman with a New Orleans accent. She asked me what my astrological sign was. Taurus, I said, but I have a lot of Leo in me. The Taurus is stable, chill, stubborn, and perhaps a smidgen lazy. The Leo is all about fire, taking charge, devil may care attitude. She looked at me sympathetically said, “I’m the same way. Those two are really hard to balance. It gets easier with age.”

I hope she’s right.

3 years ago, I sat with my Grandmother on a park bench and she looked over me and said, “B, you never stop going do you. You just keep going and going. Even when you’re on vacation, you always have to be doing something.”

In response, I said, “That’s just me. I’m always going. I like to keep going, doing things, always gotta be doing something.”

She said, “That sure must be hard.”

I ended that conversation by saying, “I’ve just always been this way.” And she smiled.

I’ve accepted that I’m never going to be totally chilled out, “dude… life is beautiful, lets just sit here, drink a beer, and appreciate everything.” I’ll never be a Nascar guy, I’m a basketball guy. There is always going to be the voice that is causing me to strive, go forward, take on life, fight through everything, get it done, make it happen, pay the bills, force change, for change to stop. It is never going to go away. It is part of me.

But on the other hand, it doesn’t have to be all of me, all the time. I can find that balance. I am finding that balance. If I don’t take a moment, breathe, focus on the leaves in a tree, listen to a song, SING MY LUNGS OUT, dance, move, be creative, do these things from time to time, I’m going to go crazy and then I’m going to get sick, and then well… it all happens again.

THE CALM PRESENCE OF THE SEA

Last weekend, I took a drive down Santa Monica and went straight to the sea. I’d been having these recurring pictures in my head of me sitting and watching the ocean. And I realized that morning that I absolutely needed to get out of the house and go to the ocean.

Everything that day had worked out for me. I had done all these things I wanted to do. And now I fortuitously arrived at my parking spot, 15 minutes before the sun would disappear into the ocean.

I ran towards the cliff over the beach, passing all the tourists, cars, and shops. I was out of breath when I finally was able to see the ocean. The sun was burning down into it. Just above it. It was beautiful. The sun had disappeared by the time I got to the water’s edge, but it was still day. The colors of the sun and sky, made the water look like a pearl. Everything was so clear. I walked into the water. It was a transcendent moment.

I was alone, but you were all with me. Every one of you sat there beside me, past present, and future, on that beach and watched the sky turn from blue to black, as the Carousel on the Pier spun with it’s ever changing light show. It was amazing.

And it crystallized everything that had been running through my head recently. All my thoughts of change, of control, of chilling it out, of changing my careers, of dreams all came front and center, and I realized that none of it mattered. Nothing but this moment. I had never watched the sunset over the Pacific, at least not here, not with the sun, not with my eyes, not with intent.

In those five years, so much had changed. So much. And I felt really good about it, even the things I hadn’t wished for or didn’t like. Everything was all right. It was all good. It all got a pass. All the stupid things I did, all the stupid things other people did. All the smiles, all the tears, all the mistakes, all the friends I made, and all the friends I lost, the family that was still here and the family that had passed on, everything got equal footing on this night. This was all a part of my beautiful, crazy life. And it would have totally stunk if nothing had happened.

I wanted nothing but this night, this feeling to go on forever. But it couldn’t. And when I was ready to go, I was ready to go, I knew that it was time for things to change. And I smiled because I realized that I welcomed it, with all my heart.

My playlist for this amazing sunset, night, beach trip was:

Los Campesinos! – The Sea is a Good Place to Think of the Future

Los Campesinos! – Coda: a Burn Scar in the Shape of the Sooner Shape

Death Cab For Cutie – Bixby Canyon Bridge

LCD Soundsystem – Someone Great

LCD Soundsystem – All My Friends

U2 –Bad

As I got up, I turned on LCD Soundsystem’s song “North American Scum” and danced across the beach back towards the street. No worries, no cares, it was that kind of a night. Don’t tell me there’s no such thing as magic. This was a perfect day.

WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO STAND FOR

I recently spent hours and hours helping my friend/yoga teacher set up her Yoga studio that she was opening up. I got cut. I got a headache. I might have gotten sick. I also missed a banging 80’s party. An 80’s party!

Many people wondered why I did it. They asked me if I was going to get paid. I said no. They asked if I had any romantic interest in her, which I answered no. They asked if I was getting free yoga. To which I answered, “Yes.” And then my friend pointed out, “But you’re already getting free yoga.” And I said, “true.” So they wondered why I was doing it. And I had no good answer.

It really wasn’t until tonight that it dawned on me, the correct way to describe why I felt compelled to help her out, even though it was stressful and hard and challenging, and the last thing in the whole world I wanted to be doing, I did it because it’s a friend following her dream. Going for it. She’s starting her own yoga studio, and who knows how it’s going to turn out, and if it’s going to be successful or whatnot, none of that mattered. She was going for it. And I could help her.

I may not get anything physical or tangible out of it, but dammit, I’d rather be doing something in the service of someone’s dream. So what if it’s not my dream. It’s someone else’s passion, and passion can ignite passion. I think that’s something I can strive for.

I realize that this isn’t always possible. Life gets in the way, change gets in the way, and hell, most of the time I don’t know what I want anyway. But until I do know what I want, what I want to make life be about, I’d like to at least do things in the service of a dream or a passion. This would be a good thing. I’m still figuring this out.

CHANGE2.

Heraclitus the Greek Philosopher ~ “The Only Constant is Change.” I hate this guy.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I said, “Well Will, do you think everything is going to change.” And I responded, “Yeah, I think so. I think everything is going to change.”

Things have to change. My life has to change. We’re always changing, but I mean big change. And now is the time for that change. I don’t really even have a choice in the matter. Sometimes, I don’t want to change. Sometimes I want things to stay the same. I don’t want to be brave. I don’t want to do anything. I’m afraid of the future, of change. BUT there is this constant tug in my stomach, pulling me somewhere, so hard that sometimes it makes me sick.

And I say this to you right now. I have no idea where this change will take me. I never have, never will, I guess none of us do until we take a moment to look around and see how much has happened. I just have to be ready for it, because the wind is kicking up, and if I don’t stick the oar into the water and change direction, the wind is going to kick my ass and make me do it anyway. I just have to remember to breathe, smile, sing a little, and watch the sun set from an idyllic location.

Most Important Events of the 2000's and More!

The Most Important Events of the 2000’s…

- I fell in love with a stupid smelly lake surrounded by Palm Trees and decided to go to the University of Miami.
- I changed my name/moniker from BJ to Will.
- I drove some guys on my dorm floor to a club, (scaring them half to death, because well it was fun) and through them made some of my closest friends of the decade.
- I switched from Journalism to Motion Pictures.
- My brother had a baby and got married.
- My Grandparents let me live with them for a year. Worked at the Cheesecake Factory.
- My Dad told me he had another family.
- I traveled to Foreign Countries. Italy. Peru. Bolivia. Argentina. Singapore. Thailand. Hong Kong. And Canada.
- Gabe invited me to live on his floor in Los Angeles.
- Corey got me a entry level night job at Herzog.
- I bought the new guy on the night shift from Maine a McChicken. Who said McDonald’s couldn’t change your life in a positive way.
- I sold out and jumped onto those crazy Pirate Movies and watched myself climb up the corporate ladder. (Sounds kind of gross when I put it like that.)
- I decided to fill in for Lindsey on her Maternity Leave.
- I started doing Yoga, because I thought my mind and body weren’t in sync. Found a great teacher.
- I permanently left the Night Shift and decided to take more control of my work career.
- I went to my 10 year high school reunion and realized that I was perfectly happy being single, and happy that I had not forced myself into some situation that didn’t fit what I wanted in life, or did something because I thought I had to.
- I accepted a job overseas and had one of the craziest adventures of my life. Thanks Sandrine.
- I tried to cultivate an attitude of never saying no, no matter how mad I got about it.
- I decided that you really are what you eat, and I felt really shitty about it.
- I went to a psychic who kind of told me some really important things about my life, that I needed to work on.
- My Brother had a second baby.
- I traveled across America, and took my time, for the most part.
- As my brother has told me, I became West Coast.

I had a lot of fun in the 2000’s. A LOT OF FUN. I had a lot of hard times, too. I lost two years of my life/memories to Night Shifts, although I’m still hoping to do a data recovery. I laughed, I cried, I smiled, I gained weight, I lost weight. I had my Wisdom Teeth removed. I ran a lot and I busted my knee. I DID A LOT OF STUFF. I spent a lot of time doing nothing. I made almost nothing. I made a lot of money. I bought a lot of stuff. I got rid of a lot of stuff. I painted walls and I put down my stake and declared this my land. I made a lot of friends and I lost a lot of friends, but I made sure to keep the keepers.

I learned a lot, about myself, about the world.

My problems, my worries, and my hopes are pretty much the same as they were at the start of the decade, but I’ve learned so much, about myself and about the world, that I consider myself on top and ready to tackle the next decade.

If I spent much of my teens, the 1990’s physically growing up, then I spent the 2000’s my twenties psychologically growing up. Learning the hard way, by doing, by feeling, by being.

What can I hope for in the 2010’s?

To keep learning. And I hope this might be the decade where everything, er most of it, well at least a few parts of my life really come together. And if it doesn’t then I guess I have the 2020’s to look forward to.

But I can tell you this, either way, I’m going to keep “Kick’n Ass,” because you know, I have nothing else to do with my life.

Or more poetically:

“Oh mistress of fate, sweep me up into your arms and let us dance the night away.”

QUOTES from the 2000

Some Amazing/Slightly Revealing Quotes from my Journals from 2000-2004.

Well, I am now Will ~ BJ Gong 2001

I hope you never feel this shitty ~ Will Gong 2002

We are our own answers ~ Will Gong 2003

I hate Avid ~ Will Gong 2003

Women are meant to be loved, not understood ~ Oscar Wilde (A Long time ago)

Listen to the Dead ~ Mike Smith 2003

Last night, I sunk to a new low in Compound Misery ~ Will Gong 2003

I almost died on a Rugrat Vitamin ~ Will Gong 2004

Why do we have to make order out of things immeasurable? BLAH!!! But I’m happy to be alive, because I have nothing else to do. ~ Will Gong 2004

A Look Back at 1999

So a little history, at the dawn of this decade er 1999, I was a:
- Community College Student
- Waiter. Lifeguard.
- Living at home in Virginia.

Today I am a:
- Occasional Part time Student.
- Writer/Producer/Editor thing
- Los Angelinos.

Huh. Okay, that seems pretty interesting, but it’s not really painting a very clear picture.

Interests in 1999.

- Movies & Music & Books.
- Frappachinos.
- Weight Lifting.
- Girls

And here is a list of my favorite things from that time period. (Another choice journal entry.)

A List of Favorites from 2000.

Spinning Fast on things in parks; The Rock Cliffs in Nahant, MA; Skiing; Waking up in a tent covered in Snow
Being on stage, Sailboat Wars; The Ocean; Driving to new places; Finishing Stories
Fight Club; The Matrix; The First 3 Star Wars
The Prydain Tales; Clive Barker Books; Persuasion – Jane Austin; The Count of Monte Carlo
Surviving Car Accidents
Discovering the Beatles; R&B, Pink Floyd, Aerosmith, Dr. Dre, Tim McGraw, Oasis, (What did I disown Shania at some point?)
Making 200 in a day at Glory Days
Les Miserables; Singing
Playing in Freshman Football Games; A Killer hot streak shooting the Basketball
Young Life Summer Camps; Camping; Hot tubs; Sneaking out at night
Being Pulled over is Fantastic
Starbucks!
The Pool.
Women.

All right, that helps fill in a little bit, but you may want some historical context. So, let Me Take You Back. Way Back.
Back into time.

In 2000 there was no, Kanye, no White Stripes, no Kelly Clarkson. There was really no Coldplay. Think about that, a world without Coldplay, and for a second when you think, hey maybe that’s not bad, remember, it was a world of the Backstreet Boys, of Creed, of Limp Bizkit. LIMP BIZKIT!!! I mean, hell, I still had hope Oasis might make a good record again. Oh, and I was obsessed with Shania Twain.

In 1999, I was making fun of Harry Potter! Making fun of Harry POTTER.
In 1999, I was bench pressing 160, and feeling really good about it. Most of my meals consisted of restaurant food, fast food, and frappuchinos.
In 1999, I was chasing after a lot of girls, especially the unavailable type of girl.

I was working at Glory Days Grill, deciding what college to go to, and doing a good bit of underage drinking. I was going to Northern Virginia Community College, and my GPA was stellar, so I could pretty much have my pick of schools, at least the ones I wanted to apply to.

At the same time, I was really uncertain of where my life was going; I knew I had to go, but I didn’t really want to. I didn't really have any life ambition, other than to probably hook up. My Dad was going to foreclose on the house and my Mom was going to get the boot. I had no idea what my brother was gonna do, but he was annoying. But on the other hand, I was a big fish in a small pond at the restaurant. I had a great group of coworkers and we had a great time. How was anything going to compare with that? And at the same time, I didn't want to get stuck. I wanted more, I just wasn't sure what more.
It was a crazy time for sure.

So what happened between then and now? Well, I’m glad you asked.

The Most Important Events of the 2000’s…

The B.J. Gong Journal 2000

An Journal Essay from Jan. 2000. I have no idea what this was for.

“Over the last year and a half at Northern Virginia Community College, I’ve seen a few things. I’ve seen a man watch his life and dreams fall away in the wasteland of a mall booth. I’ve watched underage athletes drink themselves into being fat men by 21. I have seen women destroy lives by getting pregnant and vice versa, just to give their lives meaning. And I have seen men, women, and children lives who are so stuck in self imposed misery that they have become soulless vessels.”

“ What I’ve learned from all that I’ve seen is that there are no guarantees. No faith, belief, religion or institution will guarantee happiness. It’s all how you live it. But what separates most of the successful people I seem to know is a college education.”

Hmm… I feel like this is missing a conclusion. What did I think, oh well, I guess I’ll have to go get a college education now. Okay. Weird.

Well, let me respond to myself here.
“Over the last ten years, I have seen people’s lives destroyed, but I have also seen people’s lives reborn. I don’t think you need a college education to be successful, I think you can do whatever you want as long as you’re willing to fight for it. So Fight.”

Have I Returned?

I haven't blogged since I was in Toronto. I kind of made a decision that if continuing the blog was too draining or became too big a deal for me to do, I'd just drop it, and that happened. And it happened right around the time I got to Montreal. At that point everyday became an adventure, wrapped up in events that I wasn't entirely in control of.

And once, I left Montreal, I kind of felt like I'd gotten everything I wanted out of the trip and that I was ready to go back, of course I still had three to five more weeks left. And hopefully, I'll get to recapping some of what happened during those few weeks. But for now, I will leave you with this.

Home

Home is a funny thing, conceptually, and like so many words and concepts, as you separate from what you know and fling yourself out into the world, meanings and beliefs twist and reshape, but here’s what I’ve come to think about when I think of home.

Home is home; you know what it is and what it isn’t. Home is where you rest. Home is not just the place you pay rent, it extends out from where you are temporally to where you are spiritually. Home is where your friends are; it’s where your family is. Home doesn’t mean you’re happy, it doesn’t mean you’re comfortable, it doesn’t even mean you have to feel anything. Home is where you can go into the kitchen, pull a cup from the cupboard, and make yourself some tea without ever having to ask. Home can live on in your imagination and live up to your dreams. Going home can be like getting a hug and then getting slapped, or vice versa. Home is a place where you can find love, a place where you can be a bastard, and a place where you can make a huge mistake and still hope to be forgiven, which is why you made that decision in the first place. Home is to be taken for granted, although people are not to be.

Bojangling in Plymouth

Today is a quintessential Ryan Adams day. Dreary, misty, rain is a certainty and I know that the Sun isn’t going to come out and save me. I couldn’t sleep last night, body tired from too much, and too little, and from slipping in and out of time, and I couldn’t do anything. Sleeping in the suburban hidey-hole that my friend has crafted for his life.

So now I’m just kicking it in this coffee house, where the bathroom is painted like a tree house. Such a cool coffee house, makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with Los Angeles for not having anything so conceptually interesting yet simple, intricately crafted and at the same time so funkily bohemian. This is Plymouth, Michigan. Just chalk it up to one more thing that is wrong with Los Angeles.

I know I’ve got to go to Toronto, cause I booked housing, but I really don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. This feeling is hard to pinpoint, the effect is moodiness and the cause, I’m only half able to understand. It’s more that I really don’t want the present to propel me into the future, cause I don’t feel anything is really worth going towards. I know this moment will pass, and I’m not bummed by it, I just don’t want it and don’t want to do anything. I feel no excitement and I have no idea what might snap me out of it.

See a Ryan Adams day ain’t just about listening to Ryan Adams songs. It’s really about being locked into the mindset that so many of his songs take place in, and then his songs actually become uplifting, even the depressing ones. It’s not that I’m not excited about all the amazing things I am going to see, experience, it’s just that I can’t feel a damn thing. No Matter how much coffee I drink. It’s not that I hate all of the Los Angeles Coffee shops, it’s just that nothing is good enough when you feel like this. And even if I could muster an intention for today, I wouldn’t feel good about it, it’d just be, “meh.”

But I don’t feel too bad about this, because I know it will pass, in an hour, a day, hopefully not much longer, but it will and I’ll feel the inverse and it will be amazing. I think that’s just how it works. So just know, that right now, in this coffee house in Plymouth on a rainy Monday morning, I’m smirking.

Ameritrek Watch 2009 - Breaking News

News Night In America Jingle:

Fade to:

Good Evening America, this is John Johnston Daniels the Third, with breaking news on Ameritrek 2009. I send you to Kansas City, Missouri with our girl on the Jo Jo Rawlings.

"Hi J.J.D, I'm standing on the corner of 54th and Leavenworth Lane, where Eyewitnesses have reported spotted Will Gong jumping out of a 2001 white Ford Escort to vomit, or throw up on this lawn. The Lawn's owner had this to say:

"If I had seen him puke up on my yard, I would've come out here and shot him. Just terrible. No worse way to disrespect a man, then to disrespect his lawn."

Jo Jo continues, "I've also talked with forensic expert, Jerry Long, who had this to say:

"Uh, well, you know I've never uh, been interviewed, well, uh, you know, actually, there's really nothing here. Uh, I mean, we'll have to run a DNA test against this carrot, but that's all we've got."

Jo Jo continues, "So there you have JJD: was Will Gong here? Did he vomit on this man's lawn? And why was he in Missouri in the first place?:

Back to John,

I guess we'll have to find out and see how this all plays out Jo Jo. And now back to real news. Did you know Cell phones can give you cancer? Find out after the break.

Ameritrek: Best Sign So Far

The Coffee Shack:

Best Coffee.

Best Girls.

Best Service.

So when you're next in Northwestern Montana, you should look it up, because I was not abel to validate their points. And if you can't make it up to Glacier, you should just hit up one of the thousand Coffee Drive Thru shacks in the Pacific Northwest and Rocky Mountains!

A Matter of Choice

Sitting in a quaint Portland Café, in the hippie/trendy neighborhood of Hawthorne I stumbled upon an intriguing idea. I stumbled like this
- Why do I live in Los Angeles? I hate Los Angeles. Okay, I don’t hate Los Angeles. There are a lot of worse places to live. But either way, why?
- Because I have to live there for work.
- Because I can’t work in the movie business anywhere else.
- Where else could I make enough money to survive.
- The battle of the back and forth between liking and hating where I live and etc, etc, etc.

But where this led me was that I have so many excuses for hating it and yet for staying, wouldn’t it be amazing to make it a conscious choice. How many of my decisions are actual powerful, conscious decisions? I don’t know.

I’ve spent a lot of time, over the last ten years, particularly between the ages of 22 and 27 talking a big game about “Going wherever the roads of life take me.” And they’ve taken me pretty far, but I think it’s easy to forget that you are the one actually making those decisions when you reach a fork in the road, you’re the one who is taking the steps. I forget that constantly, especially in my head, and I play the excuse game, which is ridiculous.

Now, I do know If I am going to continue to live in California forever, but I would rather say that I am living there because I choose to do so, rather then being like, Well, I don’t have a choice, or my work is here (and that coming off as an excuse.) I’d like all my choices to really come off more like decisions and less like I fell into it.

It just seems so much stronger to take control of my life, and really more to the point, I think it’s about damn time that I become responsible for all of my decisions; actual, real internal responsibility for all of them. There are only so many outward/external factors that can really make us do something that we don’t want to do.

We’ll always be on this road of life til the end, so until that day, I’m gonna try to remember that I am the one making the choice when I see a fork.

Ameritrek Watch 2009

News Night In America Jingle.

Fade to:

Good Evening America, This is John Johnston Daniels the Third.

In tonight's special segment on Ameritrek, we'll bring you all the relavent information on Will Gong's Trip Across AMERICA! Stay Tuned.

Commercial Break: A Skinny, Bald Asian Man walks through a room of practicing Yoga Students. His Smile is spiritual, but warm.

"I've been a Yoga teacher for five years now, some of you know me as Marisha NakaDu Kwan, but you can call me Kwan. As a yoga teacher, I can't tell you how excited I am about so many Americans picking up Yoga."

The Class moves together through a Vinyasa.

"But I'm here today to tell you that Yoga isn't safe."

A Man Cries out and reaches for her Lower back.

"You have to be in amazing shape if you want to do this."

A Woman balances solely on her head.

"And sadly most of you aren't."

Another Woman crumbles to the floor.

"This isn't to say that you will never be able to do this."

A Man holds himself in handstand as his legs fall back into scorpion.

"But most of you are going to look like this."

A Man's lays on his mat, barely conscious

"So please, keep coming, cause we love our money, and please keep buying our insanely marked up eco friendly mats, because it's good for you and it's good for the world. Namaste."

Voice Over: This public service announcement has been brought to you by the "Friends Of Rachel."

News Report Returns:

We're back, I'm John Johnston Daniels the Third. And this is Ameritrek! 2009!!!

He's been seen in Seattle, Washington smelling fruit at a Market. He's been seen in Olympic National Park, talking philosophy with a group of Germans in the Sol Duc Hot Spring, and worst of all is the picture that Paparazzi grabbed of him sneaking into a Twilight themed Gift Shop in Forks, Washington. And now it's been reported that Will Gong has been spotted driving along Going To The Sun Road in Glacier National Park in Montana.

What is it that Will Gong is doing up there, well that is exactly clear? Jo Jo Rawlings is in Montana.

"Hi J.J.D. According to local eye-witness witnesses, Will has been hitting up the saloons, spending thousands of dollars on girls and booze.

Another EyeWitness says and I quote, "He sleeps all day and only comes out at night, and then he runs out of that hostel he's staying at naked, and I swear I can hear him in those woods, but I really can't say what he's doing."

And a third account comes from Cody, a Physics student coming from Portland Oregon. He says, "Will Gong you say. Well, I don't know about the Gong part, but we did run across this guy, all by himself, sitting on a rock on the hike up near the chalet. Yeah, he joined our group as we headed up to the mountain pass to see the glacier. Cool Guy, except for his weird third person expressions. I don't really understand that. Oh and he worked on Pirates 3. Nobody liked that movie."

When it comes down to it, any of these could be the truth, your guess is as good as mine. Back to you John."

And there you have it. Will Gong. A Man of Mystery. What will he do next? And what is he doing right now? You be the judge.

And until next time; this is John Johnston Daniels the Third. Good Night and Buenas Noches.

Three Sunrises

1.
The phone rings, but it’s not a call, it’s an alarm. It’s 5:00 AM and freezing in this tent on a campsite on Crater Lake, Oregon. Why is the phone ringing? What time is it? Did I actually sleep? I hit snooze, blink a few times, and suddenly realize that I have to pack up, clean, and drive up to Watchman Overlook to watch the sunrise. And why didn’t I wear my longjohns to bed! SO COLD!

And after a quick cleaning in the bathroom, (God, I need to shave) and the most organized pack of my life (I stumbled into how to fold my tent, amazing!), I booked it at 25 mph up the mountainside to Wathman’s Overlook.

I kept stopping to catch each angle of the lake as the blazing flames of the sun began to sneak over the mountains. How many pictures can one man take? And then straight bolted from my car off the side of the Rim Road and up a pack of stairs and out onto the rim of the deepest and cleanest lake in the United States. You can see the sun in the sky and reflected in the water. It’s incredible.

2.
Hours later descending from the Willamette Pass Mountain, on the road to Portland, Oregon, they sky was shrouded in fog. Ryan Adams and the Cardinals, whined out of my speakers. Ryan - being my choice for sad depressing morning drives, or extreme hangovers, and heartbreak of all kinds.

The roads were slow, the logging trucks and 12 wheelers were even slower. Ryan was doing his thing, while I pitifully mumbled along. And as I passed through a creek surrounded trees and thick leaves, magically sun began emerging in beams through the fog, bouncing brilliantly against the leaves. Beautiful.

There is something extremely powerful about the way that the sun breaks through the clouds, the fog, and ultimately, the darkness. Internally, I believe that this might have to do with our need, our inner hope for the hardest, darkest, deepest fears and anxieties we have to be overcome by something in the world, some blinding light that will champion for us, harkening back to the creation of Myths, Gods, and today’s Super Heroes. Or maybe it just a cool visual trick.

3.
1993
There was no way I was going to school today; I had had enough of it. The embarrassment of being a teenager and daily humiliation of myself and everyone else had driven me to complete avoidance of people. I had retreated into days of playing with the fireplace, watching the same 10 movies over and over again, and reading comic books, constantly. Oh yeah, and sometimes I went to school.

One morning, my Mom rebelled. The usual pattern was that I would stumble down the stairs and act my way into a sick day. I would be all woozy, dizzy looking, I’d warm my head by the lamplight, stir up a bunch of flem, which was easy, because I had a mild Lactose Intolerance, that I wasn’t even aware off yet.

So, given all that, one day My Mom had had enough of it. I have no idea what her reason was. Perhaps, maybe she’d had enough, was my acting not up to snuff, would I have to force a visit to the doctors? (Thank you Flem! I think I could get the world record for most Sinus Infections.) And then again, she might have been looking out for my best interest.

Whatever the reason, she’d had enough and believed that I could make it to school. So she sat me down at the kitchen table, looked me in the eye, and said “I want you to try something for me.” And I said, “Cough, what?” “ I want you to drink some coffee, and if you drink and still feel like not going to school, then that’s fine.”

This sounded like a fair deal to me. So she poured me a cup. She filled it with Vanilla Coffee Creamer. I sipped it. It tasted like Death. I was mortified. How could anyone drink this, goopy, oily, muck. I could literally see the milk and oil swirl on the top of it. I took another sip and proclaimed, “It’s Killing me!” and then I went back up stairs and pretended to sleep and read comic books.

I was 13. And maybe if I had started drinking coffee before the end of my Senior year of high school, I might not have ended up where I am today, I might have become a lawyer, a doctor, or maybe a politician, but I waited unaware of the energy, the power that was waiting to be unleashed by that small cup of black oil.

But no, it’s September 1, 2009, I’ve been posing as a Writer/Producer/Editor/Whatever in Los Angeles. I’ve lived an awesome life with some truly remarkable memories, but now I don’t know what the hell to do with it, and I’m on a road trip to “Fill in the blank.”

And I’m tired, I’ve been driving for only three hours, and I’d tried to get a latte from McDonalds, but it’s all sugar and milk, and it’s making me gag. So I pull off and search for a Coffee Shop. I’m 70 miles out of Portland, I swear I’m going to find a coffee shop, like a real coffee shop somewhere. Ten Minutes of searching lands me at Safeway’s Starbucks.

I grab an Americano, light on sugar and cream, and get back on the highway. Drinking this black oil, which is really black gold, I suddenly don’t care about all this muck in my life, all these thoughts, fears, and anxieties. Where am I going? Who am I? Fuck it.

They’re all gone, like the fog in the sky, like the dark of the night, burned from my brain, driven away by caffeine. I kick Ryan Adams off the radio and turn on Journey, “Don’ Stop Believin’”. I’m cheesy and I love it! With clear mind, I kick it into top gear, and hit the fast lane. “It’s time to get Busy up in the MOTHA! Portland meet Will Gong.”
Too Bad the Coffee wears off.

The Ameritrek Route

View AmeriTrek 2009 in a larger map

Like a Bullet through a Burning Sky

I don't have to tell you that I was ready to go, ready to leave behind Los Angeles for a few months and get away from everything I know. This "Getting Away" from everything I'd known and believed had been a big priority for me in recent times, for I felt that it was time to take a step back from my life to see what really matters and what was a real, true part of me, or what was something that had been imparted to me from society or family and was something that i might want to let go off.

This trip, which was devised over half a year ago, I realize, had been in the works for years, many things had been leading up to it. My restless nature, my dissatisfaction for parts of my life, like where I lived, like what I do, and the direction that I felt I'd been going. I'd been close to this trip, dipping my toe into the idea of it while going through Asia, but I hadn't gotten my footing under me, I didn't have clear through line then, I was wondering, unfocused, not ready. This time, I was setting the intention before I got going, and I would follow it to the end of the line, and maybe it will change, evolve as the trip goes on, but it would be there from the start.

And so I waited, I waited at work, I waited at home, I waited at the beach, although more pleasantly at the beach then at work. I half heartedly packed, shopped for goods I might want to take, but I knew that it didn't really matter what I brought, because as long as I head my head about me, I could get through any scrape. I took long walks, tried not think about anything, I played video games, because they are an excellent time killer. I started to read at least three books, anything I could do to kill the time before the trip finally began. I was like a bullet in a gun, just waiting to go off.

Excitement was an issue, excitement has always been an issue for me. I can be either manically enthused or completely unemotional, before settling into my normal go-getter state. So before Friday, when people asked me about it, I was un-enthused, I would say all the rights words, like, "oh yes, I am really excited about the trip. Can't wait." But I wouldn't give the appropriate emotion to back it up. And that wasn't necessarily the truth of it. I was excited about the trip, but it was just that I knew once it had started it would be akin to starting a new life and I didn't want to tamper, color it with possible false, unreasonable expectations, and I also didn't want to set myself for any kinds of disappointment. I felt like it would be better just to go in without expectations and be open to anything.

Of course, Friday came, and feeling it coming the next day and feeding off the excitement others had for the trip, I bounced and bounded upon the city, the streets, and stairwells with extreme glee, you know, like Tigger might. I celebrated the night of leaving with some of my closest friends and said goodbye to many others

And like the the gun that had been sitting in the cabinet, loaded and ready to go off, Saturday morning arrived and the metal crashed together, the flame was ignited, and I was shot out of city of Angels; past the fires and smoke that burned the skylines and mountain tops of the valleys; past the desert plains and signs screaming "Congress caused the Dust Bowl;" past the gas stations, Starbucks, mini-malls, and Outlets that line our better known freeways; and out of my mind and body, just a clear voice singing my freedom out to the whole world.

And that's how the trip begins.

AMERITREK 2009: Pre-Production Blog 2

10 Days Left! 10. 10 IN BOLD. I’m that serious.

I feel like in TV show land, Season 4 of the “Will Show”, and the “Herzog Show” have ended, and now I’m just waiting for Summer Hiatus to begin. But I STILL HAVE TO WORK!!!

Oh, and I know some of you already know this, but I’ve called the “AND” Credit on the Herzog show. (You know the Herzog Show stars, “Mark Herzog, Chris Cowen, Matt Goldberg, Jack Kney, Lindsey Bogard, Aaron Skotland, Joy Lissandrello, Jeremy Cook, Corey Reeser, Hutson Hayward, Brett Jacobson, Josh Rosenfield, Morgan Hanner, Leanne Crowley, Lauren Woods, AND WILL GONG, with Barbara & Jerry, introducing Leya Oakley. Also an incredible slew of SPECIAL GUEST STARS – YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)

Anyway, this whole trip thing is starting to really get close. And I’ve officially booked my first Hostel. In Portland Oregon, WOO HOOO!!! And I’ve gotten AAA membership. And also I’ve emailed a few friends about when I’m going to meet up with them.

Sadly, I’ve had to cut a week from the trip. SO OFFICIALLY I COME BACK NOW on the Oct. 20. Of course, this could change if there is no work for me, and then I’ll just continue my trip, because that’s the UTAH parks section, so that ain’t going to cost too much.

This stupid Economy! I’ve also been struggling to figuring out when to stay in Hostels and when not to. And if I do stay in one, will do one of those Dorm Rooms with like 6 to 8 people in it. The last time I stayed in a Hostel was in NYC and I swore I would never do it again, and now I’m doing it in Portland, Seattle, Chicago, for sure. But you know you do what you have to do. DUDE, to stay in Chicago is EXPENSIVE!!! Expensive. And it’s not like I can camp there.

Ugh, after doing a little more research today, I can that I haven’t a clue where to stay in Denver or New Orleans. The two things that are really messing with me are, Location & Reviews.

Let’s take a closer look.

1. Location – How close to you want to be to the action? Do you want to be driving all day to just get somewhere? But if you get too close it’s too expensive. And then that really sucks. But then you know you have to consider if the neighborhood is good. AND THEN YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THE REVIEWS.
2. Reviews – They totally suck. How the hell can you tell what place is good if like everyplace has like 3 good reviews to 1 terrible review. And most are like this!!! It’s too much for someone’s brain to try to process. And of course somebody is going to mention the dreaded BED BUGS!!!!

So I’m going to just have to use the force on this one. With so many places and so many hotels/hostels/prices/deals, choosing where to stay will be the real adventure.

Schemas

sche⋅ma  [skee-muh] Show IPA
–noun, plural sche⋅ma⋅ta  [skee-muh-tuh or, sometimes, skee-mah-tuh, ski-] Show IPA , sche⋅mas.
1. a diagram, plan, or scheme.
2. an underlying organizational pattern or structure; conceptual framework.
3. (in Kantian epistemology) a concept, similar to a universal but limited to phenomenal knowledge, by which an object of knowledge or an idea of pure reason may be apprehended.

Recently the conversation of schemas has been brought up and discusses along with how scary and painful it is to have them challenged and all, and I couldn't really remember a time when I was seriously on the fence about changing them in a way that was scary, but I could totally remember a few times when Rachel has called out my schemas, and you know like shattered them. For an example, see below:

One day, a long time ago.

Will says "Something incredibly stupid."

Rachel says, "Will, do you know how incredible stupid and moronic, one sided, unthoughtout, ridiculous, and in some deep down way, utterly frightening, what you have just said was."

Will says, "Uhhhhh....."

Rachel says, "Let me, uh, break it down for you, see the problem is you didn't think of this this this and this, and because you probably think this and that, and that's stupid and etc, please see above."

Will says "Schema shattered."

Will cries a little.

Rachel laughs a lot.

So, I have no choice but to wonder if it would be more painful to question my own schemas then to have Rachel or someone like her shatter them for me. I guess I'll never know.

Ameritrek 2009: Pre-Production Blog 1

With Pre-Production beginning on Ameritrek 2009, I have 25 days left to prepare for the big day. And the amount tasks required to go is daunting. Mostly because work is so hectic right now. I'm working on like 3 fracking projects right now! And just trying to get some good sleep in is hard, but you know some things need to happen, like for instance:

- Getting a good pair of sunglasses.
- Getting my Car's AC working, and getting a pretty good check up.
- Seeing GI Joe, Inglourious Bastards, District 9, and probably (500) days of Summer (again.)
- Getting a new backpacking pack (Damn Straps!)
- Figuring out my budget (this is not a feature film where you can go WAY OVER BUDGET and just not tell anybody, alternatively, I'd hate to fire myself and never beable to work again, and yeah, I know I combined be and able, but I'm just way too lazy to go back and fix it.)
- Getting a new laptop battery. (I'm getting about 20 minutes of battery power at this point.)

But, on the bright side I have a schedule now. Here's some of the highlights.

- 20 Locations in 2 months, including 12 days in the East Coast.
- Seeing many friends I have not seen in YEARS!!! (And some friends I saw last month.)
- Blog updates about the different kinds of yoga that I plan on hitting up.
- Scheduling in a good 2 or 3 hours of writing every day, and sometimes in extremely beautiful locations.
- Singing in the car at the top of my lunges, in the most beautiful locations (See the pattern.)
- Being with my Brother when he has his second child (he would probably say, showing off his new jet ski.)

Next up, I need to mail out my Calender to a few friends that might be interested in hitting up a leg or two of the trip, (if I were you I'd do the Nashville, New Orleans leg, (seriously. For Real.) )

I also have to tell my roommate that I just don't have the energy to sublet the place so he's going to have the whole apartment to himself for 2 months (there is something criminal about it, I almost want to saddle him with a 45 year old divorced male actor moving here from Wisconsin, but you know that would be spiteful, and I'm just too tired for spiteful right now.)